This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
