R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
