there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize