Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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