so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
