Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize