Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
