but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
