I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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