ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
