my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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