He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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