sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
