i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
only if we run a train.
done.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize