Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
