I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
