If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
