i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize