I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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