How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize