someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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