allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
