i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize