idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
