Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
