Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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