Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
