Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
