woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
