but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize