I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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