You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
