TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
