I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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