Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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