i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
