So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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