Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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