I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
porn star boner night. come get it.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
