May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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