it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
