i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
