Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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