I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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