Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize