You work out of a Hotel?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Say something about gay babies.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
