She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
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