Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
