I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
