YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
