Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
