I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
