Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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