If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
