rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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