My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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