I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
