I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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