i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
