My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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