I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
as a side note pls kill me
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
