and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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