FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
