I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
