i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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