I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
