Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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