what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize