Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
