She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
