i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
