I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
