you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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