I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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