his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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