I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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