Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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