Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You dont lie about slip and slides
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
