my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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