Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
