bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
