My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
