Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
