Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
No...this little piggys going to the bar
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
