I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
