I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
