my mouth tastes like poor choices
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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