I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
