I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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