babies were throwing up all over the place
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
