Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize