...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
