He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
i need some magic done to my vagina
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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