Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
my poor anus
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
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