I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
