Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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