I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
