So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
